Just had one of my Instantly campaigns crash and burn, and I'm trying to figure out where I went wrong. Target was FMCG companies, about 1,500 emails. Here's the copy I used:

Subject: Stop losing revenue to manual FMCG processes

Hi {name},

I noticed {company} has been scaling in the FMCG space. Growth brings complexity. Managing production schedules, inventory, and deliveries across many spreadsheets and systems is difficult.

Our platform has helped companies like Tutti Biscotti. It cut order processing time by 73% and eliminated costly human errors in production planning. One client recovered $200K in annual revenue by automating their inventory reconciliation.

i would love to show you a 15-minute demo that focuses on your sales and production process workflow. Plus, you'll get 2 weeks to test it yourself with free integration - yours to keep even if we're not the right fit.

would tomorrow at 10 AM work for a quick call?

Best,
Ildie

P.S. here's a 2-minute video of how we helped {known company} streamline their order-to-delivery cycle: {link}

Sent from my iPhone

I also had a shorter version:

Hi {name},

Saw that {company} is making waves in the FMCG sector - impressive growth?! But I know firsthand how juggling multiple systems can eat into your revenue.

Here's what caught my eye: Tutti Biscotti used our platform to slash their order processing time by 73%. Another client discovered $200K in hidden revenue just by automating inventory management.

Quick question: Would you be open to a 15-min demo focused on your specific workflow? I'll throw in 2 weeks of fully integrated testing - yours to keep, no strings attached.

How's your schedule looking this Thursday?

Best, Ildie

Open rate was decent but replies were almost zero. A colleague pointed out it's too wordy and the CTA is too aggressive. Another said don't ask for a demo upfront, show you know them first. Someone else suggested a softer approach with a relevant question. I'm thinking the subject line might be killing it too - maybe "Automate revenue {Company Name}" or "Reclaim revenue with automation" would work better.

Anyone else had success with FMCG cold outreach? What's your go-to structure?